adm-in wrote:
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 You dont have to be nice on this one.. I dont think yahoo answers enthusiest will have a problem with that! I will go first... I dated a chick who had some missing fingers.. she ended up getting fake fingers that were some weird material that felt alot like skin and they looked totally real. The funny thing is these fingers would sometimes fall off or get stuck in things. One time we were going on a date and she had her hand chillin in my sun roof. I went to close it and all of a sudden she jerked her hand down all quick and gave me a dirty look. I looked up and saw two fingers chillin up in the sun roof. Youd have to see it to really enjoy this story. lets see what you got! ...

 A man takes his wife to a livestock show. They start heading down the alley where the bulls are kept. A sign in front of the first bull says: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year! You could learn from him." They proceed to the next bull and that sign states: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That's over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, big time." They proceed to the last bull and his sign reads: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open as she gasps, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That's ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one!" The man turns to his wife and says, "Yeah, okay. Go on up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow." ...

 Three small boys were sitting at the lunch table one day braging about how much each of their dads could eat. The first boy said,"My dad can eat 2 BigMacs, 2 large fries,and 2 large milkshakes." The second boy said, "That an't nothing,My dad can eat 3 BigMacs, 3 large fries, and 3 large milkshacks." The thurd boy said,"Man that an't nothing,My dad can eat miniblinds." The other two boys looked at him and said,"bull crap, your lieing." The thurd boy said,'' No I'm not, Just the other night, I heard my dad tell my mom. Pull down that shad, I'm going to eat that thing!!'' ...

 A frog walked up to a lady named Patrica Wack at the bank and asked for a $30,000 and told her that he knew the bank owner.When she asked what he would pay her with for the loan he pulled a pink tiny porcelin elephant out of his back pack and handed it to her.She got up and said she would check with the bank owner and see if this was acceptable.When she asked the owner if it was he simply replied.......Song portion...... "It's a nicknack Patty Wack, Give the Frog a loan.His old mans a rolling stone!" I find it funny if you get it. ...

 Two guys went camping. In the middle of the night, one asked the other, "Are you asleep?" "No." "Are you masturbating?" "Yep." "Are you having trouble getting it up?" "Yep." "Well, why don't you try using yours instead?!" ...

 Q: Who was the greatest inventor of all time? A: God was! He took a rib from Adam and made a loudspeaker. Q: How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden? A: They were definitely put out. Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children to explain why he no longer lived in Eden? A: "Your mother ate us out of house and home." Q: Why did God create alcohol? A: So ugly people have a chance at having sxx.In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. Adam and God were walking in the garden one day. Adam asked God, "Why did you make Eve so beautiful?" God said, "Adam, so that you would love Eve." Adam asked, "But, why did you make her so stupid?" God replied, "So that she would love you." ...

 A man, who had a wooden eye that always seemed to fall out at the worst possible moment, thought he was going to be a bachelor for the rest of his life. Then he met the girl of his dreams. She was perfect in nearly every way, except her mouth was sideways. Instead of left to right, it went up and down. Because of this flaw he found the courage to ask her out. After about a year of dating everything was going great, so he decided to ask her to marry him. After a nice meal at an expensive restaraunt he got down on one knee and said, "would you like to marry me?". She clasped her hands together over her breast and said, "Oh, wouldn' I". He said, "Nevermind, P***yface!" ...