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 Guy goes bear hunting for the first time. He gets up at the crack of dawn and is looking over the bear trail and sure enough, the sun comes up and he sees this bear . He squeezes off a round. Dirt flies. A twig falls off a tree and stuff like that. He goes running down the hill, looking all over the place, but he can't find the bear anywhere. Next thing he knows, he feels a tap on his shoulder and behind him is the bear. The bear looks at him and says "You're new here, aren't you pal? Well we have some rules here. One of them is that if you shoot at me and miss, I get to make love to you." The bear bends the Guy over and the bear has his way with him. The Guy is furious and humiliated, not to mention his ass hurts. So he goes to the gun shop and gets the best bear gun money can buy. He adds a scope and a clip of bullets and goes back to the hill and sees the bear the next morning. He shoots -- boom, boom, boom. Small trees are falling over. Rocks are flying. He walks down to the bottom of the hill, but he can't see the bear. He feels a tap on his shoulder and it's the bear. The bear says, "Oh you're back! Well, you know the routine." Boom. Bear does it to him again. Now the Guy is livid. He drives back to the gun store and gets a 50 caliber machine gun. He sets the machine gun up with a laser scope and goes back out to the forest. He spends all night up on the hill waiting for the bear to show up. Just after the crack of dawn, the bear comes down the hill into range and he pulls the trigger and lets the lead fly. Trees are falling over, logs are splintering and tracers are boouncing everywhere. Finally the dust from the carnge is so bad he scene is obliterated. The Guy tiptoes down the hill looking for the bear. He can't find a trace of the bear anywhere. Sure enough the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "Hey Pal, are you sure you're here for the hunting?" ...

 This is a joke just pick a Care Bear and no defending The Banshee or Care Bears Bedtime Bear Birthday Bear Champ Bear Cheer Bear Friend Bear Funshine Bear Good Luck Bear Grumpy Bear Harmony Bear Secret Bear Share Bear Surprise Bear Tenderheart Bear Wish Bear oops I meant which Care Bear's Head. FREDO!!!!! ...

 One day there was a man walking through the woods and came accross a bear...a big hungery looking bear! The man froze dead in his tracks hopeing that the bear didn't see him,and to try to figure out what to do next. The bear saw him and started after him...the man bolted thinking that he could outrun this bear but soon started to realize that he was not in very good shape like he used to be. He looked back and saw the bear was gaining on him so he started to weave in and out of trees,sliding down reviens, running around big rocks and just couldn't shake this bear.He knew at this time that he was bear meat, but thought that he would run down to the river and try to make it to the rappids in hopes that he could get away that way.So he gave it his very best, he ran and ran as fast as he could and looked back just before he got to the river bank thinking that he was going to make it just to see the bear in mid air comming down on him;landing on him with such force that it knocked the air right out of him! The bear was on top of him now with both paws on his shoulders and sitting on his legs crushing them with the enormous wieght of this animal.The bear was drouling and had raised one paw to give the finale blow!! At that time the man yelled out,"OH GOD SAVE ME!"Just as he said that the bear froze in mid swipe,the river stoped,the wind had stoped blowing, and the man thought this can't be happening am I dead? Just as he said that there was this thundering voice that said "ALL THIS TIME YOU HAVE DENIED MY EXISTENCE AND RIDICULE ALL THOSE THAT BELEIVED IN ME,AND NOW IN YOUR TIME OF DISPARE YOU HAVE THE GALL TO CALL OUT MY NAME!YOU WANT ME TO SAVE YOU? WELL I'LL TELL YOU, I'LL SAVE YOU IF YOU ANNOUNCE YOUR FAITH IN ME TO ALL THAT YOU KNOW AND ALL THAT YOU MEET FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS!" Well the man thought about this for a minute and said to himself that he would be the laughing stock for the rest of his life if he did this and that he would be better dead,BUT then he thought he was slick and said to GOD,"Well I am not worthy of this and asked god if he could just make the bear a christian. GOD said "IF THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT THEN SO BE IT!" Then the river started to flow again and the wind blew accross his face and the bear stoped for a minuet and looked at the man, The man said "please Mr.bear find it in your hart to let me go?" The bear just gruntted and raised one paw then the other and the man thought he was gettin out of this, then the bear put both paws together and said,"thank you lord for this meal that i'm about to have!!!"AMEN ...

 A man is out hunting, and sees a bear; he aims & fires. He looks for the bear, but can't find it He feels a tap on his shoulder; it's the bear. The bear says' "Look, I just came out of hibernation; I'm hungry and I'm horny, so I can either eat you or f*** you-your choice". Well, the man doesn't want to be eaten, so he let's the bear have his way with him. A week later, the man is back, this time with a fully automatic rifle. He sees the bear, and unloads the entire clip at him. He looks for the bear, but can't find him. He feels a tap on his shoulder; same bear, same deal. A week later, the man is back, this time with a grenade launcher. He sees the bear, and fires; takes out about an acre of forest, but still can't find the bear. He feels a tap on his shoulder. The bear says, "You're not really out here to hunt, are you?" ...

 A bear and a racoon were walking through the woods one day. They came across a genie who was lost in the woods. The gennie was so happy with the directions that the animals gave him that he said to them, "I will give you both three wishes each." He turned to the bear first. The bear (who was really into ), said, "Ok, ok...I want...All the bears in this forest to be female, except me!" Poof! It was done. The genie turnned to the racoon. The racoon thought for a minute, and said, "I want a...MOTORCYCLE!" The bear thought he was crazy, but the genie granted his wish. Turning back to the bear, he goes, "I wish...the bears in the next forest over were female, too!" POOF! It was done. The racoon thinks for a minute, and says, "I want a motor cycle HELMET!" The bear says, "Youi idiot! You could ask for all the money in the world and BUY those things! You're wasting your wishes on JUNK!" The racoon just shrugged, and POOF!-it was done. The bear's final wish was, after very little thinking, "I wish all the bears in the whole world (except for me) were female!" Poof, it was done. The bear and the Genie look at the racoon expectantly. The racoon got on his motor cycle, strapped on the helmet, and turns it on. He reved the engine and said, "I wish the bear were !" and drives away. "I wish the bears were G A Y!" sry about that ...

 Once upon a time there was a frog who lived in a lake all by himself. He had been given special powers by a local witch. One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first glimpse of the world outside. The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit and so he called out to them and asked them to stop. Then he said to them: "I am a magical frog and since you are the first two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both three wishes. You will each take turns using them and you have to use them now." The bear (being greedy) went first. I would like for every bear in this forest to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done. Then the rabbit. "I would like a helmet." This confused both the frog and the bear, but after a magical sound there was a helmet. It was the bear's turn again. "I would like for every bear in the neighboring forest to be female." A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit went again. "I would like a motorcycle." Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn't just ask for a lot of money with which he could buy himself a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle. The bear took his last wish. "I would like for all the bears in the world to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle, and said "I wish the bear was gay" and took off like a bat out of hell. ...

 Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, ?I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!? and rode off as fast as he could. ...

 If you like these overmarketed fluff bags dont answer this question or risk being reported for abuse. pick one that annoys you the most Bedtime Bear Birthday Bear Champ Bear Cheer Bear Friend Bear Funshine Bear Good Luck Bear Grumpy Bear Harmony Bear Secret Bear Share Bear Surprise Bear Tenderheart Bear Wish Bear ...

 Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table, and he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. It was Mummy Bear who put the bloody cats out, cleaned the litter boxes, gave the cats their food, and refilled their water. And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once.... | I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!" ...

 Ok guys I posted this joke a while back. Star and/or comment if you like!!! :) There is a bear and a rabbit walking through the forest when all of a sudden a genie appears and grants them each 3 wishes!!! "I wish I was the only male bear in the forest!" says the bear! It was so. "I wish I had lotsa carrots!" Said the rabbit. It was so. "I wish I was the only male bear in the whole U.S.A!" The bear had wished. It came true. "I wish I could hop really high!" The rabbit said. His wish was granted. "I wish I was the only male bear left in the whooooole entrire WORLD!!!" The bear's last wish was. Then the rabbit wished...... (scroll down) "I wish the bear was gay!" ...

 This is still funny the second time around ... A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog." ...

 a preast has gone hunting. he's at the top of a hill, above a lake... down by the lake he spots a bear so he takes aim, and misses the bear. the bullett clips a tree branch near the bears head, so the bear turns around and spots the preast, it's starts heading up the hill towards the preast... the preasts gun jams so he gets down on his knees and starts to pray... he says, dear lord please deliver me from this bear... when he opens his eyes the bear is still coming closer... so he tries one more time... dear lord pleease deliver me from this bear... this time when he opens his eyes the bear is ony feet away. so he tries one last time. lord if you cannot deliver me from this bear, please let it be a cristian bear... when the preast opens his eyes the bear is down on his knees, saying, lord, thank you for this meal im about to receive..... ...

 Here's a great one. I told this one at school today and they all loved it. Here it goes: There is a bear and a rabbit. They are walking through the forest when a genie appears. He grants them each 3 wishes. The bear wishes first: "I wish to be the only male bear in the forest" It came true. The rabbit wishes for some carrots. It came true. The bear wishes: "I wish I was the only male bear in the United States" That came true. Rabbit wishes to jump really high. And of coarse it came true. So it was their last wish. The bear wishes: "I wish to be the only male bear in the whole entire world." Then the rabbit's wish: "I wish the bear was gay" Like it?? ...

 There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each 3 wishes. The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forest." And he got his wish. The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish. The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the U.S. and all the rest were female." And he got his wish. The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go w/ that helmet." And he got his wish. The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish. Then It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay." ...

 There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest. And he got his wish. The rabbit said, I want a motorcycle helmet. And he got his wish. The bear went up and said, I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female. And he got his wish. The rabbit said, I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet. And he got his wish. The bear said, I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females. And he got his wish. It was the rabbits turn, and he said, I wish that bear was gay. ...

 It's about 2 o'clock ,and you know how things look in a bar about two o'clock.. well there's a panda bear and a prostitute sitting together, and the woman asks if he would like to go home with her.. the panda bear looks her over and says sure.. so they go to her place they have a good time and the panda bear gets up to leave, when the prostitute yells ,"where do you think you're going?" the panda bear answers that he is going home, the woman then explains that she is a prostitute and the panda bear answers that he knows but he is a panda bear.. they can't see eye to eye on it so they decide to look it up in WEBSTER's ... they look up prostitute: a woman that gets paid for sexual favors, the panda bear answers that yes he knew that, now look up panda bear: a black and white bear that eats bushes and leaves. ...

 Every year, Bob goes hunting during bear season. One year, Bob goes hunting, and shoots a small brown bear. Then, the mother of that small brown bear comes up to him and says, " I'll give you two choices, I'll either kill you, or make love to you, but I won't let you go." Bob thinks on this, and decides he wants to live, so the mother bear then makes love to him. The next year, Bob goes hunting again, but this time, he shoots the mother bear that he was forced to make love to the year before. He shoots her, and her mother comes after Bob, and again, gives him the choice. "I will make love to you, or kill you, which will it be??" Again, Bob makes love to a bear. The next year, Bob goes once again for revenge, and kills the bear that he was forced to make love to the year before. This time, her sister comes up to Bob and says, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?" I got it frm a website ...