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 On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting pissed at me. ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go." IT: "Is that it?" ME: "Yep." IT: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?" ME: "No, it's *to* *go*." [I hate effort duplication.] At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back." He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them. IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?" MG: "No. A what?" IT: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me." MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL." [my emp] IT: "Yeah, thought so." He comes back to me and says IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?" ME: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?" IT: "I don't know." ME: "See here where it says legal tender?" IT: "Yeah." ME: "So, shouldn't you take it?" IT: "Well, hang on a sec." He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and... IT: "He says I have to take it." MG: "Doesn't he have anything else?" IT: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change." MG: "I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE." [my emp] IT: "What should I do?" MG: "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money." IT: "I can't tell him that, you tell him." MG: "Just tell him." IT: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back." The manager approaches me and says MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall with 100 other stores.] ME: "Well, here's a two." MG: "We don't take *those* either." ME: "Why the hell not?" MG: "I think you *know* why." ME: "No really, tell me, why?" MG: "Please leave before I call mall security." ME: "Excuse me?" MG: "Please leave before I call mall security." ME: "What the hell for?" MG: "Please, sir." ME: "Uh, go ahead, call them." MG: "Would you please just leave?" ME: "No." MG: "Fine, have it your way then." ME: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?" At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper] SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?" MG: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money." SG: "Really? What?" MG: "Get this, a *two* dollar bill." SG: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous] MG: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty." SG: "So, the fifty's fake?" MG: "NO, the $2 is." SG: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?" MG: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?" SG: "Yeah..." Security guard walks over to me and says SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use." ME: "Uh, no." SG: "Lemme see 'em." ME: "Why?" SG: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?" At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so I said: ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill." I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?" MG: "It's fake." SG: "It doesn't look fake to me." MG: "But it's a **$2** bill." SG: "Yeah?" MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?" The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue. My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food. -- According to popular belief, this is a TRUE story. I thought it was very funny, so i thought i'd share. Ain't i nice? ...

 Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee season opener, sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service agents directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head NO. The agent then says, 'Mr. President, it was at the unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner on down to the bat boy." Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it! Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, if that's what the people want.." With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field. She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, 'I'll kill you! You ing, and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!" Noticing his agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong. The agent replies, "Mr. President, Sir, I said they wanted you to throw out the first Pitch." ...

 Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God... "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!" Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?" God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you." Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God, "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell" he told God. "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going, Bill?" God asked. Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment, "This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?" God says, "That was the screen saver". ...

 The man should be charged with treason not running for president! Bought and paid for by China! He accepted illegal campaign contributions from an enemy nation (China)! He sold pardons in exchange for campaign contributions to Hillarys senate campaign!! That is the worst criminal abuse of the Presidency in history! They should be in jail! They are completely corrupt!! And besides the fact that he is a sexual predator and was IMPEACHED for LYING UNDER OATH about the fact that he was banging an EMPLOYEE of his behind his wife's back disgracing the office of the presidency, on his way to a meeting with the PLO terrorist Yasser Arafat who was banned from America before Bill to power and during the Clinton administration was the MOST frequent foreign visitor to the white house!! what I am most upset about is the fact that he TURNED DOWN OFFERS FROM THE SUDANESE GOVERNMENT TO DELIVER OSAMA BIN LADEN TO HIM NOT ONCE.. BUT THREE TIMES! They offered him Osama bin Laden three times and Ol' Bill asked Saudi Arabia "Do you guys want em" and they said no and he turned sudan down. Three times!! Bin Laden then bombed a bunch of embassies and killed hundreds of Americans and ol' Bill sent a couple of wimpy missles and blew up a mud hut ibuprofen factory owned by Bin Laden. Some of the missles didn't even explode! When they hit the world trade center the first time Bill treated it like a criminal prosecution even though it was a foreign attack!! When they attacked us in somalia at black hawk down, Bill surrendered! That warlord was sponsored by al qaeda and Bill surrendered! Then the U.S.S. cole was attacked and American soldiers were killed he did not even retaliate!!! Bin Laden was Bill Clinton's responsibility and he failed us miserably. He split the intelligence agencies disallowing them to corroborate with each during the many investigations going on about him in order to protect himself! If he hadn't done that to protect his own criminal self, we may have been able to prevent 9/11 ! He empowered Bin Laden by his complete wimpyness in dealing with him! Bought by China! Even worse still, He joined a war sponsored by Osama Bin Laden and destroyed Osama's enemies for him.. Our long time allies Serbia! (They fought alongside us against the fascists in WW1 and fought and died alongside us against the nazi's in WW2 and helped us break up nazi concentration camps while the albanian muslims and the bosnian muslims were SS members and were operating concentration camps). This is the only war that Clinton sponsored and it was against our allies and sponsored by Osama Bin Laden! This was Osama's first war that he sponsored with Al Qaeda troops and billions in heroin money. It was the KLA (kosovo liberation army). Kosovo was ALWAYS historically a Serbian city. The bosnian and albanian muslims who hate the christian serbs decided to overrun kosovo and form the kosovo liberation army. Osama Bin Laden sends troops and finances the entire war. Then the KLA kills 45 of their OWN CITZENS digs a big hole sticks them in there and calls up the international media and says "look what the serbian war criminals did" and it was well known that the KLA did this themselves. So Bill Clinton calls them freedom fighters and joins the KLA/Bin Laden's army and calls up the serbian president and says "Give back kosovo or we'll bomb you" and the serbian president says "why should I give back kosovo it's always been ours, no" and Bill Clinton bombs the crap out of them for two weeks straight until serbia surrenders. Bill then says to the muslim world "See we're not bad. We bombed your christian enemies for you" Bill was taking the typical liberal strategy in dealing with terrorism. "Lets negotiate with them, help them out, they can't be that bad" Look what happens... 9/11 and the knowledge that Osama has acquired nuclear weapons from and is planning to attack. The same nuclear weapons that Bill Clinton refused to buy on the black market when offered to him. After the fall of the soviet union the chechnyan muslims became the most powerful mafia of all the russian mafias. They stole nuclear weapons and called up Bill Clinton and offered to sell them to him. He refused to take them seriously and did not buy. Eventually they sold them to Bin Laden. Really do you people support him? Do you not know about any of this stuff? This is not all, I could go on and on and on. What more do you need to know about them? Their running for president.... They may likely win. ...

 Hi. This is my first time receiving a phone bill for my OWN phone. Since my dad has always kept me with a phone to own, and he always received the phone bill. The billing cycle ended on the 18th and today is the 19th. Should I have gotten the bill before the 18th or has it yet to arrive? I'm worried because when I purchased the phone on the paper they gave to me with the "proof of purchase" and everything on there it showed that it had my aunt's house on there and she lives like a whole hour away from me (which I don't want to go back and forth just to get the bill). But I changed the billing address in like the middle of the month that I first bought it. I'm scared that since I changed my billing address online that T-Mobile representatives didn't pay much attention to it as they would if I would've went up to them in person and reassure them of the correct address. Do you think that the billing address change didn't go through? Or the bill hasn't arrived yet? This is my first time with T-Mobile and I'm not sure how long a customer has to wait for the phone bill to arrive. Plus my dad has always received the phone bill at his house so I'm never aware of it. ...

 Bill and his dog walk home from the shopping center. It takes Bill 36 minutes and his dog walks twice as fast. They start together, but the dog reaches home before Bill and returns to meet Bill. After meeting Bill, the dog walks home, again at double speed, and then returns back to meet Bill again. Bill starts at noon to walk home. How many minutes later does he meet the dog for the second time? I am stuck with the language and hence i am not getting the correct answer. when it says , "...After meeting Bill, the dog walks home, again at double speed, and then returns back to meet Bill again..." does the dogs speed increasing continiously after every meet ? i.e is it doubling after every meet from the previous value ? i dont understand that language ...

 Bill to sender Bill in my wallet Bill Clinton Bill Gates Bill Ny the science guy Bill and Grace Bills on wheels Bill of Rights Bill on capital Hill Bill Kings Brake-O maybe? ...

 Are Bill and Hillary trying to help China to destroy the US? Let's take a look at FACTS: Bill got a ton of "campaign" money from Chinese sources. Bill let the Chinese sleep in the Lincoln Room. Bill gave Permanent MFN to China -- something few Dems supported (Why would Bill betray his own party?) Bill was in charge when China "stole" our very best missile guidance system. (Or did he give it to them?) Hillary was on Walmart's board of directors. Walmart has teamed up in a way that has destroyed millions of American jobs. China tried to buy a US oil company (Unocal). The Republican Congress put a stop to that! I'm not saying that Bush is against China. But, he's not running for president. My concern is that Hillary and Bill would gladly sell America to China for enough money in their own pockets. Are Bill and Hillary helping China to destroy the US? ...

 Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton went to a baseball game. Durring the game, the impire came up to Bill Clinton and wispered into his ear. Bill Clinton says "Okay." and shook his head. A couple of minutes later in the game the impire came up to Bill Clinton and wipered in his ear saying somthing. Bill Clinton says "Got it." and shook his head. Later in the baseball game Bill Clinton picked up Hillary Clinton and threw her out in the baseball statium. The impire looked at Bill Clinton and screamed "What are you doing?" Bill Clinton says "You said to throw the first bich out." ...